Stop Blaming Mother

A mother is a terrible thing to waste. To all adult children who point to their mother as the focal point of their life’s misfortunes, it's really time to grow up.

Millions of adult children, some of them already grandparents themselves, still spend time and money on the therapist's couch, ruminating about everything their mother did or didn’t do, does or doesn’t do. These adults don’t see themselves as the imperfect human their own mother is.

If Mom is still alive, they dread spending time with her or remove themselves from her life altogether. If she’s already gone, they may feel relieved that they don’t have to put up with her anymore.

I think that mother blaming should have, like meat, produce and dairy products, an expiration date.The mother who didn’t measure up to demands or expectations earlier will not be able to do it now. She’s caught in her own circle of pain for things she may or may not know she did, or if she knows, she may not know how to forgive herself.

It's time to get real.Unless Mom beat you mercilessly, ignored your every emotional need, or wasn't there when you were in pain, she was one of the ordinary variety of mothers who didn't know any better. She didn't deliberately set out to hurt you. She didn't plan how to make your life miserable. She probably tried her best...and didn't know she failed until you turned on her.

If she's still alive, consider how you may regret all that blame when she's gone.  If you're lucky, you've learned some things about being a parent and why it's not the easy job you think she should have mastered better. Tell her you’ve learned some things, grown a lot, and want to reconnect. The thing about a mother’s heart is that it’s infinitely elastic when it comes to love. It’s the 40/70 rule. If you’re 40 and your Mom is 70, it’s time to mend two broken hearts.