The Freak Accident

Freak accidents always catch us off guard. We can’t even picture the weird things that can happen.  The ones we can imagine, we try not to think about.

That's why my heart races when I watch the Blue Angels screaming across the sky at less than 1000 feet above me. Or the acrobat who does a triple flip at the top of the tent with no safety net below. Or the magician, bound hands and feet, in a tank of water who tries to escape before he drowns. (Yes, I know it's magic, and he knows what he's doing, but sometimes, he drowns.)

That's what happened yesterday with the crash of a vintage fighter plane at the annual air show in Reno.

A World War II-era P-51 Mustang, flown by a veteran Hollywood stunt pilot plunged  into the edge of  the VIP grandstands, killing three people, and injuring more than 50 spectators . The pilot Jimmy Leeward, who was interviewed last year before the races ,was asked why he liked to race fighter planes. "They're more fun. More speed, more challenge. Speed, speed and more speed," Leeward said.

The FAA and air race organizers spend months preparing for air races as  they develop a plan involving pilot qualification, training and testing  along with a layout for the course. The FAA inspects pilots' practice  runs and brief pilots on the route maneuvers and emergency procedures. The pilot knew what he was doing. Preliminary reports indicate a mechanical problem.

Jimmy died doing what he loved. Spectators died because they were there. The injured who survive will always remember the freak accident. My heart will always race in anticipation of it.

Stop Blaming Mother

A mother is a terrible thing to waste. To all adult children who point to their mother as the focal point of their life’s misfortunes, it's really time to grow up.

Millions of adult children, some of them already grandparents themselves, still spend time and money on the therapist's couch, ruminating about everything their mother did or didn’t do, does or doesn’t do. These adults don’t see themselves as the imperfect human their own mother is.

If Mom is still alive, they dread spending time with her or remove themselves from her life altogether. If she’s already gone, they may feel relieved that they don’t have to put up with her anymore.

I think that mother blaming should have, like meat, produce and dairy products, an expiration date.The mother who didn’t measure up to demands or expectations earlier will not be able to do it now. She’s caught in her own circle of pain for things she may or may not know she did, or if she knows, she may not know how to forgive herself.

It's time to get real.Unless Mom beat you mercilessly, ignored your every emotional need, or wasn't there when you were in pain, she was one of the ordinary variety of mothers who didn't know any better. She didn't deliberately set out to hurt you. She didn't plan how to make your life miserable. She probably tried her best...and didn't know she failed until you turned on her.

If she's still alive, consider how you may regret all that blame when she's gone.  If you're lucky, you've learned some things about being a parent and why it's not the easy job you think she should have mastered better. Tell her you’ve learned some things, grown a lot, and want to reconnect. The thing about a mother’s heart is that it’s infinitely elastic when it comes to love. It’s the 40/70 rule. If you’re 40 and your Mom is 70, it’s time to mend two broken hearts.